I wish I could rewrite the stars
by Gemmaaaaa
Summary: Suddenly, forever felt like something that could be real. They could make it real, the two of them together and out of nowhere, tears stung at Anakin's eyes. It just meant so much. Padme loving him too was the stuff of his dreams; something he'd only just dared to believe was possible. But she did. (Modern AU!)


The for sale sign in the yard across the street quickly became a sold sign, not that Anakin paid much attention to it. He didn't pay attention when three large moving trucks zoomed into the sleepy street and vanished again leaving countless cardboard boxes in their wake. He _did_ pay attention one summer day when two girls appeared in the yard planting pink flowers and giggling louder than he thought _strictly_ necessary. One was older, the boy realised after peeking around his curtain, taller too. Maybe fifteen – sixteen years old? The other one… _The other one_ , well Anakin couldn't stop looking. Her long hair reminded him of melted chocolate as the braid it'd been tangled into caught the sunlight. She looked around his age and he felt himself lean closer to the window.

A woman appeared at the open door and called out something about sun lotion, but neither girl paid her any attention. Anakin did, just for a second, and when he looked back at the girl his age with the long, pretty braid, to his absolute _horror,_ she was looking back at him.

 _Shit._

The boy ducked behind the curtain and fisted the thin material in his palm, sweating suddenly despite the cool air blowing through the house. _Did she see him?_ After a minute or two, he dared to crane his neck out, just slightly, to look again.

She was still looking at him.

Just when Anakin wanted to _die_ and have the carpet swallow him whole, the girl across the street lifted a hand and waved. Her smile wasn't far behind it, and it was pretty, he could tell, even from all the way over there. He couldn't help himself and gave a tentative wave back. _It would just be rude not to, right?_ The other girl, probably her sister, looked over too and his arm fell back to his side like dead weight. The two girls giggled again and Anakin flushed. If there was a God, he'd strike him down right now...

But then both girls smiled and the one with the pretty smile gestured with a flick of her wrist for Anakin to join them and he thought his heart would burst right out of his chest then and there. Then his feet were moving toward his front door and his wrist was reaching for the handle and suddenly he was walking toward the lush green garden where the sisters smiled and waited. His hands shook by either side of his body and he had _no idea_ what he was doing. He wasn't any good at talking to girls and his throat was closing up and –

"Hi!" The younger girl stood up, dirt covering her knees where'd been kneeling in the soil. "I'm Padme. This is my older sister, Sola!" She held out her hand, beaming at him, and it was all Anakin could do to shake it without collapsing. She _was_ pretty. Really pretty. Beautiful even. The most beautiful girl he'd _ever_ seen and he was staring at her like some kind of mute freak. _Ohgodohgodohgod…_

"I'm Anakin." He managed to croak, wincing at the crack in his still breaking voice. Neither girl laughed at his expense, however, much to his relief, but just started talking. And it was easy. Effortless. They were nice and warm and _definitely_ not from around here.

"Sola's five years older than me," Padme answered his question and gestured toward her sister as she retreated back into the house in search of drinks. "Do you have any siblings?"

"Nah." Anakin shook his head. "I have a step-brother, though. Owen. He's… Cool, I guess. We keep out of each other's way." His mom married Cliegg Lars five years ago and he was a nice guy, he took Anakin and Owen to baseball games every now and then. Didn't mean he had to love them and all that though. Right?

"Well, I'd like to meet him too." Padme smiled again, flopping down onto the soft grass as Anakin rolled onto the balls of his feet awkwardly, unsure whether or not he should sit down too. He looked up at the sky as she spoke and tried not to bristle.

"Yeah well, he's dating some girl. Beru, I think? I've never met her but my mom says she's really nice." He had no idea why he was telling her all this, but the words tumbled out of his mouth without pause until he trailed off awkwardly biting his bottom lip.

"Oh. Well, that's nice." She nodded, "I can't wait to meet more people here. You're the only one so far. Is everyone nice?"

Anakin slowly lowered himself down onto the grass beside her and squinted up towards the hot sun. Everyone nice? Where'd she come from to have those kinds of ideas…? "Most are." He shrugged. "But there's some real assholes around too."

"In the school?" She asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah… You're coming to school?" Anakin said and then immediately wanted to smack himself. _Of course,_ she was coming to the school! She was his age goddammit. Padme didn't seem to mind though and nodded, throwing her braid over her shoulder and tipping her chin toward the sun.

"Yeah, I start next Monday. I'm a little nervous though. I've never had to start a new school before." She sighed.

"Don't worry." Feeling brave, Anakin bumped her shoulder with his, "I'll be there. My friends are pretty cool. You can hang out with us… _If_ you want, I mean?"

"Yeah… I'd like that. Thank you, Anakin."

* * *

They were best friends fast.

Joined at the hip.

Inseparable.

Obsessed with each other.

It depended on who you asked.

They spent weekends together in the attic above Anakin's house that his mom had converted into a lounge area which Anakin had taken upon himself to re-convert into a games room for him and his friends. His other friends Obi-wan, Ahsoka and Dorme also came over and hung out, playing video games, watching movies and fighting over monopoly until someone threw a tantrum and refused to continue the game. Sometimes when the summer heat got too hot to do anything else, the group would lay around Padme's garden on her mom's _'good towels',_ whatever that meant.

Obi-wan taught them how to play poker with monopoly money after his dad, Qui-gon, taught him and when they'd all mastered the game, monopoly money became quarters and quarters became five dollar bills. Despite her quick mind, Padme was _terrible_ at poker and everyone saw through her poker face. But Anakin never had the heart to let her lose completely. She almost always ended up with whatever he bet by the end of the game. It was worth the teasing he got from the others because she'd give him the biggest smile…

One day it was just them alone in the attic, Dorme had a dentist appointment, Ahsoka was with her parents and Obi-wan was on a date with Satine. His mom was out and Owen was somewhere, Anakin hadn't asked. Feeling childish, they'd built a fort out of blanket and pillows and held it up with the dining room chairs and they'd laid inside it all day watching movies. _Padme promised not to tell the others he'd watched High School Musical with her…_

"Ani?" Padme broke the silence between them softly, and he didn't bother opening his eyes to respond. With other people, silence was awkward and cold, but with Padme, Anakin found it warm and comfortable. A safe place they could both relax inside without worrying about tests or parents or what was coming after high school.

"Hmm?" He hummed, resting his head on his hands.

"I'm really glad we're friends." She whispered. Anakin opened his eyes and turned to face her, grinning without realising and tried _not_ to think about how pretty she looked in the dull lighting. Not that it made a difference. Padme was pretty in any light. She was just… She was _so_ pretty…

"Me too. Where's this coming from?"

Padme rolled onto her side and Anakin did the same, their faces mere inches apart. He couldn't resist leaning forward to brush his nose against hers, making her smile. "I was _so_ nervous about moving here. I'd never been the new girl before and I was worried about having no one. So, I guess I'm saying… Thank you, for staring at Sola and me when we moved here."

Anakin scoffed, offended, as she burst into a fit of giggles. "Hey! I was _not_ staring! I was just looking out of my window… And you two were… _There…_ That's all!"

" _Right._ " Padme drawled.

"I'm serious." Anakin was grinning despite himself; she had that effect on him.

"Okay."

" _Padme_!" He whined.

" _Anakin…_ "

He huffed, rolling onto his back and crossed his arms over his chest, praying he wasn't blushing as much as it felt like he was. Yeah, he might have been staring just a little bit, but he wasn't _that_ obvious about it. She could give him a little credit at least. She was quiet for a second or two, and then Anakin felt a warm palm on his chest and nearly jumped out of his skin. "Well, it doesn't matter who may or may have _absolutely_ been staring at who," she smirked and he rolled his eyes. "Because you're stuck with me."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhmm." Padme nodded and traced a small pattern against his shirt while he tried not to bite his lip. "We're friends forever, you and I."

 _Friends._

"Forever's a long time, y'know." Anakin whispered, "That's a lot to promise."

Forever wasn't something Anakin Skywalker particularly believed in, not for as long as he could remember. His dad promised his mom forever when he married her, but he'd left almost right after Anakin had been born. That wasn't forever, it wasn't even close. His uncle Sheev had promised to be around forever, but he moved to New York when Anakin was ten and their only communication was through birthday cards every year.

He didn't trust forever.

But it sounded so beautiful coming from Padme's lips.

"Maybe." She conceded with a nod. "But I _do_ promise. Do you?"

Anakin didn't have the heart to deny her and found he meant the words more than he'd ever meant anything in his life. " _Forever._ I promise."

And then he couldn't help himself. Anakin leaned closer, not to brush his nose against hers again, but this time it was their lips that met. Softly, tenderly, barely there at first until Padme pressed herself back against him, eyes fluttering shut. He _did_ want forever, but as _so much more_ than things were now and he tried to let the kiss tell her for him.

* * *

He was stupid. _So fucking_ stupid.

Kisses weren't words and they didn't tell anyone anything. And the lack of words they said squeezed between them until they grew apart a little. They were still friends – best friends – but Padme had begun branching out, meeting new people outside of the group. She was happy, _thriving_ even. She had new girlfriends and saw movies with them and had sleepovers he and Obi-wan weren't invited to, you know, because they were _boys._

Things changed.

The group still sat together at lunch, still gathered together at Anakin's place and sometimes it felt like nothing changed. But they all knew that it had. Padme and Dorme were absent for lunch as the cafeteria bustled with students grabbing plastic trays and waiting in line for questionable food that just barely counted as edible. Obi-wan peered up from the pages of his book as Anakin glared at his sandwich and sighed. "What did the sandwich do to you, Anakin?"

His neck snapped up and he squinted at his friend. " _What_?"

Obi-wan rolled his eyes, "You were glaring at your lunch so intensely that I thought you must have had a falling out." He smirked at his own joke, thoroughly amused and Ahsoka sniggered beside him, pulling her own sandwiches out of a paper bag.

"He's not wrong, Skyguy. You've been moping for _days_. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing!"

"Is it Padme? Because that Rush Clovis dork asked her out?" Ahsoka pushed and Anakin tried not to glare. He _really_ tried.

"No! She said no anyway." They were staring at him, and _all_ he wanted to do was ask them to stop, that it was making him feel worse. But they'd probably just look at him more if he did.

"You like her, Anakin," Obi-wan said as it if were nothing. "Just talk to her."

"Guys, I don't like Padme like that, okay?"

He didn't. It was more like… Padme was his best friend. And she was more… But he didn't just _like_ her…

He loved her.

But that word – the L word… _Love…_ That scared the shit out of Anakin. It was big, bigger than him and this school and everything he'd ever experienced in his life so far. It could hurt him. Real bad. It made him beyond nervous, his heart thundered in his chest so loudly, he was sure Obi-wan and Ahsoka could hear it. They were staring at him like they could and he grit his teeth.

"If – if I liked her – or someone, I would tell you, alright? So leave it be."

Across the table, Ahsoka snorted.

"You don't have to tell us anything, Skyguy. It's written all over your face."

* * *

What the fuck was he doing here?

It was _freezing_ and he hadn't thought to throw on his coat before leaving and his body shivered. It was all so spontaneous. He was excited when he sent her the text to come meet him at their old treehouse in the woods near the town lake. The group had built it together one summer and it'd been the centre of their hangouts for an entire year until they'd all grown out of it come the new semester.

They'd smoked their first cigarette here – well, Padme hadn't. She'd sat in the corner glaring and lecturing them on the dangers of lung cancer as they'd passed it around, coughing the whole time. They'd _all_ gotten drunk here together for the first time… In hindsight, that hadn't been the best idea. A couple of beers too many led to Anakin falling down the ladder and snapping his arm in two. _Man_ was that a tough grounding when he got out of the emergency room.

The hangover was worse.

He loved this place. They all did. It'd been way too long since any of them visited, too caught up in classes and extra-curriculars. And dating. Ahsoka was seeing some douche called Lux apparently and Obi-wan and Satine were disgusting. And Anakin… Well, that's why he was here at midnight on Christmas eve. This was stupid. _He_ was so damn stupid he couldn't believe it sometimes. But fuck it; he'd never forgive himself if he didn't try.

"Ani?" Padme's voice broke him from his thoughts and _nothing_ could contain the smile she brought out of him. She matched it with her own and rushed toward him, running into his cold arms with a happy sigh. Anakin held her tight, pressing his face into her hair, enjoying the sweet scent of strawberries. They stayed together for several quiet moments before she pulled back and ran her hands over his arms. "You're freezing!"

"I'm alright." He shrugged and she shook her head.

"I don't know whether you're brave or stupid sometimes, Anakin Skywalker." She was smiling despite her words and he leaned his forehead against hers. She could be right. Maybe he was both… What he had planned, he had to be.

"I'm just happy to see you." He admitted quietly, closing his eyes and savouring her presence. At that, Padme laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. All this was _so much more_ than friendship, but it was complicated, and he didn't know what she wanted. All he knew was _fuck_ he wanted her. All of her… Everything.

"You saw me two days ago in school!" She was still laughing and Anakin pulled back to take her hand.

"Shut up. C'mon, I have something I wanna show you." Together they climbed the ladder onto the small platform outside the treehouse. It was so much smaller than he remembered… _How_ had they all fit in here? Anakin didn't even think _he_ could get in there alone now. Hell, he wasn't sure _Padme_ could fit and she was tiny… They settled for sitting on the platform by either side of the ladder, their legs swinging over the edge. "I got you a present."

"You did?" Padme's eyebrows arched and her eyes lit up with excitement as they always did when it came to presents. Christmas was always her favourite time of the year. "Why? We already did secret Santa for the group in school." It was a yearly tradition thought up when they were broke kids who couldn't afford to buy a gift for everyone. Usually, Anakin liked it, it was easier than buying for the whole group, and buying just one gift meant it was more special. But this year he'd hoped to pull Padme's name out of the bowl but got Dorme instead. He liked Dorme, loved her as one of his best friends even, but she really wasn't what he had planned.

"Yeah, I know… But I got you something special." Anakin reached into his pocket and pulled out a purple envelope with shaking hands, silently thanking God it hadn't bent after being stuck in his jeans this whole time. After a second or two, he licked his lips and passed it into Padme's waiting hands.

Jesus, _fuck,_ there was no going back now.

Padme's slim fingers carefully pulled at the envelope flap as Anakin bit his lip. One glance at his watch showed it was 00:15, officially Christmas. As she pulled the small card out of the envelope, she smiled sweetly, but he was too nervous to smile back. It was all there, written in his messy scrawl and there was nothing he could do to hide it short of snatching the card from her hands and booking it back to his house.

Part of him wanted to, honestly.

Padme must have enjoyed torturing him because she opened the card and began to read out loud.

" _Padme,_

 _A couple of years ago, we promised to be friends forever, and I don't think we'll ever break that. Not ever. But I was thinking, well I was hoping that we can make another promise. A better one this time. I'll go first. I promise to want you forever. I promise to love you forever. I promise you're always going to be the angel I saw across the street._

 _Merry Christmas, Angel._

 _Anakin."_

Her voice cracked once or twice while reading, but she never stopped, never hesitated, and Anakin clenched his jaw. It sounded good in his head… Nice even, maybe even a bit romantic? But out loud? Man, he sounded like a sap. A pathetic sap. She probably hated it. This was a mistake, it probably just made her uncomfortable and it was going to wreck their friendship. He was such a –

He couldn't finish his thought or have any others as Padme sniffled and then her lips were on his. Her hands came up to his neck, playing with the fine hairs at the nape, but Anakin couldn't move, too stunned, too inexperienced… She was kissing him. But that meant…

Anakin kissed her back, furiously, desperately, intoxicated by the idea that she wanted him too. Only when his lungs were shrivelled and his body pleaded for air – _what the fuck were noses even for? –_ did they pull apart, each wearing matching smiles. Padme's hands came to his cheeks, stroking softly. "I love you too, Ani. I always have."

He could have picked her up and swung her around right then and there, but the memory of falling down the ladders was still fresh even years later and the last thing he wanted to do was take her down with him. So he settled for kissing her again and again until his smile couldn't be contained anymore. "Fuck, Padme… I love you so much." She was his first and only kiss and it was just as good as the first time.

"I want to make a promise to you now." Padme smiled, lacing their cold fingers together.

"Yeah?" He breathed shakily.

"Yes. Ani, I promise that I love you… And I promise that I always will. _Forever._ "

His heart damn near pounded through his chest. Suddenly, forever felt like something that could be real. They could make it real, the two of them together and out of nowhere, tears stung at Anakin's eyes. It just meant _so much_. Padme loving him too was the stuff of his dreams; something he'd only just dared to believe was possible. But she did.

 _She loved him she loved him she really loved him…_

Anakin couldn't resist claiming her mouth again, if only just to convince himself this was all real. When they pulled apart again, their foreheads touched and Padme sighed breathlessly. "I mean it, Ani. You and me. This is it."

"Forever." He swore for them both to the universe. Nothing was getting in the way of this; he wasn't going to let it.

Their lips met again and the promise was sealed.

* * *

Anakin couldn't take his eyes away from it.

None of it had felt real. Not when he'd heard the screech of tires, the screaming from outside his house and just _known_ what happened. It still didn't feel real, not until now, until this moment right now. Everyone was already gone, leaving Anakin alone with his thoughts as it began to cloud over and drizzle. It was like the Earth itself was mourning too. Suddenly his knees buckled and he collapsed onto his knees, lip trembling.

His mom had begged him to come inside with everyone else, but he wasn't ready. He needed – he needed some time, just to be with her… To say goodbye on his own without the saddened eyes of everyone else watching him. It felt like he was coming apart, and a small whimper left his lips. He just kept waiting to wake up. To realise this was all a nightmare and he could sneak across the street and see her.

But he couldn't.

The rain came down harder, pelting the ground with its droplets.

Anakin gazed down at the casket deep in the ground, waiting to be covered in soil and let out a small cry of despair. His fists dug into the earth and squeezed. There was no headstone, not yet… Those took time apparently. But it just didn't feel _right._ She deserved better than – than _this!_ Padme deserved to be here, to _live_ and laugh and be the special, amazing person she was… She did nothing wrong, the fault was with the _selfish_ bastard behind the wheel who couldn't tear his eyes away from his phone for just _two seconds_ to see –

His eyes clenched shut as tears welled up inside them. He wished it'd been him instead. He'd give _anything_ for it to have been him instead of her.

"I miss you." He confessed quietly. " _So much."_ His voice quivered with the words and his fists tightened on the dirt. All over the casket were flowers of all types, all bright and colourful and beautiful. Padme loved flowers. But she loved lilies most of all. He'd dropped one into the deep hole for her and tried not to sob as it landed. It'd only been two years since they'd decided to be together, since they'd whispered promises of forever under the stars on Christmas Eve and it wasn't _enough_. They were supposed to have _forever_.

They'd only gotten seven-hundred and thirty days.

His mom had held his hand throughout the ceremony, silently crying too, while Obi-wan, Dorme and Ahsoka had sobbed beside him. She'd whispered over and over that it would be okay. One day it would be okay. Anakin didn't want to believe her, didn't want to believe he could live without his Angel… But he was here and she was gone… She was just _gone_ one day and it was so unfair. But part of him knew she was right. It had to be okay again because that's how it worked, didn't it? Padme would want that. She would want them all to be okay without her.

Maybe things would go on, but they'd never be the same.

There was supposed to be so much ahead of them… They were graduating soon… She'd been accepted into _Harvard!_ She was going to be amazing out there and do great things. He was so goddamn proud of her. And she… She was so excited for it all. They were leaving town together, going to college together – not that Anakin was brilliant enough to get into the same school, but there was one close by where he could study engineering. They were going to get an apartment.

They were supposed to go to prom in a few weeks.

"I love you." He murmured, "I always have. I always will, Angel. _Always._ " She was his one love, his only love, his _true_ love. "I know – I know you'd want me to keep going, keep living without you…" His voice cracked, "to – to move on one day. Find someone else… But I can't – I won't." Maybe someone else would find that sad, but it wasn't. Not really. Anakin promised forever with Padme and if he couldn't have that, if _they_ couldn't have that… He couldn't have it with someone else. "It's you, Padme; it's always been you…"

His throat closed up and suddenly, Anakin couldn't speak anymore. He shook his head as tears fell down his cheeks. He needed to keep going, he'd regret it if he didn't, but it was _so hard_ … He shouldn't have to do this. They should be looking at apartments online and arguing over something stupid like what colour of couches they wanted. They should be planning a future together…

His clothes were soaked through now, his hair was slick and stuck to his forehead and raindrops painted his face but Anakin didn't move. He _couldn't_ move.

"I couldn't wait to start our life together, you know. To find that apartment and go to school… You would have been _amazing,_ Padme. I was so proud of you. I'd tell _everyone_ who'd listen about my genius Harvard girlfriend. I couldn't wait for what was coming for us… I," the words died in his throat for a few seconds before he swallowed back the tears, "I was making payments on a ring…" It was _perfect_. Simple. Nothing _too_ big and fancy, because he couldn't afford it and he didn't think she'd want anything too flashy. Padme was always classy like that. "I know that's probably ridiculous and you'd shake your head at me if you were here now but I couldn't wait. I wanted… I know we would have had the most _amazing_ life together, Angel. We would have gotten married after college – I'd have married you right away, but I know you'd want to wait."

He sniffled and wiped away the tears from his cheeks with his sleeve. He could imagine her in a pretty white dress, holding her father's arm as they walked up the aisle… He could see them swearing forever to each other again in front of their friends and family. Anakin _ached_ for it.

"Maybe we'd have kids one day… A boy with my hair and a girl with your eyes… It would be perfect."

But it wasn't going to _be_ perfect. Because Anakin wouldn't get to have that life with her… She was gone. He wouldn't give her the ring he was close to paying off, they weren't going to be married, and there would be no kids… Finally, he released the soil in his hands and took a long, shuddering breath.

It wasn't going to be perfect, but maybe one day, it was going to be okay. Maybe one day, Anakin would be okay. He wasn't sure he was ready to believe that yet, but it _was_ a possibility.

"I'm going to college, Angel. I'm still going for you… I'm gonna make something of myself so you'd be proud of me." Anakin nodded to himself slightly and released another breath. "And I'll see you again, Padme. In seventy or eighty years, we'll be together again, I _promise_ you… What is that anyway, like twenty-something thousand days? Whether you want me to or not, I'll be counting them. _Every single one of them._ "

Anakin's eyes found the snow-white lily in the ground and whimpered quietly. "I love you." He whispered again and forced himself to stand. Not because he wanted to, but because _Padme_ would want him to. "I'll always love you." He promised quietly and forced himself to turn toward the building to where everyone who'd ever loved Padme Naberrie was gathered.

Twenty-something thousand days.

And then they'd have forever.

 _ **A/N: I'm so sorry… Please review and let me know what you think!**_


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